Why am I constantly trying to sabotage everything and everyone that comes into my life? What screwed up wiring harness was put into my head on the assembly line when making me? Or was it the correct one? And just over time components fried, wires got crossed and slowly the system basically rewrote itself without me ever noticing. Yeah... In other words I'm basically using a cop out to try and justify my shitty behavior. I can't seem to pinpoint anything about myself and maybe I don't want to. I think I'm just spending my time trying to run away from mistakes I've made in life and the lack of motivation I should have to get my shit together. I just keep skipping the tracks of the music I need to face. I've become a hermit. I hate feeling the need to try to impress anyone. Which I don't need to. But it feels like I need to. You know, carrying on pointless conversations that never lead anywhere. Most people seem brain dead because of the fact of being plugged in all the time. Once that phone or gadget is out of the hand, the mind goes blank and human interaction becomes dull. I'm guilty. I love the fact I can research anything at anytime or when I get bored, just pass the time. But I find myself diving deeper into the cyber world and drifting from reality. That will honestly be the downfall of human civilization within thirty years. Its already started.
When I was in school learning about the Ancient Egyptians - they had hieroglyphics. Future generations will look back on us seeing we had - emojis.
I'm horrible with ever trying to make a point or stay on subject. I start writing and away I go. Even though my mind likes going a million miles an hour, I've gotten to the point to where I start shutting doors. But once a storm comes in of any sorts, the doors blow open and here comes the waste filled water to flood the halls.
If I had the money I would seek therapy... Wait. Probably not. I've tried before. But never stuck with it. I always thought that music was my therapy. But hell, I barely touch an instrument anymore, unless I have to. The bottle became my therapist. At first I was using it in hopes that creativity would strike. And it did. But then it stopped coming by to make visits. So, I used it to cure my depression. What a great idea right? I mean, that works all the time. Ha, who am I kidding? Its definitely a love-hate relationship. Its the only constant in my life right now. And I got to get a grip on things before I burn my whole world down. Maybe one day. Somethings got to change..
Comments